Ask Tod Anything: Part VI

Well, this should be the last installment for this go-round of questions, so I will just jump right in and get on with it…

23.) Is there a social “pecking order” on death row? What determines someone’s status and where do you personally fall within that hierarchy?

Just as there is in any social structure, there is a ranking system here. (Humans seem inclined to, one way or another, set their societies in order that way– be it your local bank, school, Lord of the Flies situation, or death row. And now that I think about it, Death Row can be kind of Lord of the Flies-ish at times…) In truth, there is no central “hierarchy” (your word, not mine) at this time here. This unit is broken up into ten cell blocks. And these blocks have someone who considers himself “the pod father” (the person who organizes and what have you). And that works or does not, mostly depending on the social makeup of the block.

What I mean by that is: death row has a great deal of administrative segregation, or protective custody cases. (These are child molesters and child killers, rapists, snitches, and those who deal with them.) How their hierarchy works, I have not a clue, and to be honest I don’t care. (But there is indeed one! There is a protective custody within protective custody!) Their world will likely change, however, with the close custody experiment pending, which I have mentioned previously.

The rest of us are in “general population” or GP. The social structure for that is a bit different.

To begin with, the Arizona Prison System divides itself by race. And this does not mean the races are at odds with each other. (Quite the contrary, actually.) It is simply that needs, desires, and wants can vary by culture and/or societal upbringing, and it makes sense for each race to centralize and make sure its personal needs are met. So within that structure you have people, or a person, that sees to it that the needs of the group are known and addressed (there is usually no “formal dictatorship” that accomplishes this, but rather, discussions that give people a voice of some sort.) I could go on describing this but you get the idea.

As to where I fall in all of this? I have always been somewhat anti-social and don’t care about all the drama that comes with interacting too deeply in the social morass. So I give respect to others and demand the same in return. The theater of the absurd that I must endure as part of my existence is something I would rather observe than become entangled in.

I hope that answers your question.

24.) Do you ever worry about prison employees reading your blog and being offended by it? Would you be in trouble if they did? What about the family of your victims, your lawyer, or your own family? Is there anyone you’re hoping won’t ever read this blog?

I don’t “worry” per se about prison employees reading this blog, nor do I worry about offending them. (There was a time when I used to make it my business to offend as many as I could on a daily basis. Over the years, I have mellowed… some.) If someone is offended by the truth, then, in my mind, work needs to be done to change the situation by which they find themselves being offended. If there is fear that the truth will be disseminated beyond the confines of a “closed” system, then I believe every effort should be made to do just that.

If your government does something in your name (such as imprisoning and systematically murdering people) then you should know all about the thing being done. In fact, some might say you have an obligation to know.

Today’s society keeps people very busy and very distracted. At the risk of sounding paranoid…I wonder if this might, on some level, be on purpose. If people are so hurried and so worried, then they may have neither the time nor the inclination to “pull back the curtain” and see why things are the way they are… why the economy is the way it is, why their government hands out foreign aid like Halloween candy while there are homeless and hungry children in this country…why kids graduate high school (if they graduate at all) with third grade reading levels… I have a unique situation in that I don’t have all the stresses there are out in society and an abundance of time to consider such things.

The truth should never be “worried” about (and it is only feared by those who lie and wish to deceive in the first place) so if I get in “trouble” in some way, I am willing to resist that. I do nothing wrong or against the law here. Yes, these people can (and have) make my existence even more difficult than it already is, but I already live in a cage under sentence of death. How much worse can it get? If someone comes across these postings and doesn’t like what they read, then they have the choice of not reading them.

I have told my family about it. My lawyer knows and does not much care for it. (Not sure why, but hey, that’s her right.) Everyone will have their own opinion and are entitled to it. I don’t worry about who may or may not read this blog.

25.) How well-traveled are you? What are some of your favorite places? What are some places you wish you could have visited?

As I have already mentioned in one of these questions, I used to “saddle tramp” a bit so I have been a lot of places (here in the US, anyway.) Just on my own? I like places that are green and kind of wild. The Colorado Rocky Mountains and the Pacific Northwest…the Smoky Mountains…all majestic places.

But people can make a place special too… there was a pretty Cajun girl in Louisiana… another with skin white as fresh snow with auburn hair and green eyes in Massachusetts… a lot of things can make a place special.

I would have loved to go to Europe and Asia (lots of green places!) and just rode a motorcycle around and stopped where I liked.

26.) Have you ever thought about writing a book, or are you mostly just focusing on your blog right now?

It was mentioned some time ago that I should write a book, but I don’t know where I would start or what to write about, or how to bring it all together. As far as “focusing on…” I focus on anything that can give me a mental break from this black pit of misery.

27.) Do you know any gay people on death row, and if so, how does it affect how others treat them? Is the prison population more homophobic than the outside world, or is that a myth?

There is one sort of openly known gay person on the row that I know of. I personally do not associate with him, but it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. It is because he snitches on people to the guards. I do not care for snitches of any color, race, creed, or orientation– I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy in that way.

I think homophobia can be found most anyplace you go. Perhaps more so in the conservative “bible belt” and less so in the more open-minded progressive cities. But there is crossover both ways. There seems to be a fair amount of homophobia here for whatever reason.

So I will speak for myself only. I am heterosexual and confident and comfortable in that knowledge. As far as my feelings go… a person’s sexual orientation is their own business and does not affect me in the least or dictate how I interact with or feel about them one way or another. If everyone were the same, this world would be a mind-numbingly boring place, now wouldn’t it?

I only recently found out the story behind why Anna and I were assigned as pen pals for one another. Evidently, after she submitted her application to become a pen pal, she contacted the person in charge at DRSP and requested that every effort be made to assign her a pen pal who would not reject contact with her based on the fact that she is gay. She was matched with me because the person in charge (correctly) believed I wasn’t the sort who would mind. And I don’t mind, not in the least.

28.) Are you religious?

I would refer to myself as “spiritual” rather than religious per se.

A lot of horrific things have been perpetuated on millions if not billions of people in the name of religion down through the history of humankind.

I am a firm believer in the idea that people should walk whatever path they choose, and how they see fit.

29. Did you personally know the guy whose botched execution in Arizona made national news a few years ago?

I think you mean Joe Woods? In a word, no. I did not. Never even met him.

30.) When was the last time you hugged anyone? Will you get another hug in your lifetime?

The last person I hugged was my son before all this happened and I ended up here. (He was a world-class hugger at age four, too!)

Recently they started up a program in which two people go out into a large recreation pen together under heavy guard. (I will explain this program in greater detail in a future post.) I have gone out there with someone I have known for a long time, and we did shake hands (first time since my trial that I’ve gotten to do that.) I don’t see hugs becoming a part of that program. It has been so long for any physical contact that even shaking hands felt odd.

31.) Why do you hate lawyers so much?

Okay, “hate” is a strong word. But I have been dealing with lawyers in packs for so long. Half want to kill me and the other half want to “win” their side, which just happens to be keeping me alive to die of old age with shitty medical care in prison.

And it is all just a big game to them. They take the human factor out of it and you’re just a case number on a page.

We have very bad living conditions on this unit and that is not the lawyers’ concern… their job is to keep you alive to experience it for as long as possible… who cares what you go through? I have actually had lawyers tell me that they don’t believe in the death penalty but when I point out that if they (and all the lawyers who supposedly feel the same way) would go into court and say “we are not going to work on death penalty cases because it goes against our… ethical beliefs? moral turpitude? something!… and that would eliminate it” they say, “Oh, no, we can’t possibly do that!” People’s lives just seem to be a game to them. Nope, don’t care all that much for lawyers…. do you know any who can fake actual human compassion? Because I only know ones that try and fail miserably.

I know an ex-lawyer who is actually pretty cool– she was educated at Harvard. (She worked my case for a little while.) A brilliant woman, and she came to see me one day (she would come down just to talk about anything every so often) and told me: “I can’t take it anymore! I come up with good stuff that should make a difference, and the judges ignore it!” (Judges who, in my humble opinion, are far less intelligent than she.) “I am quitting,” she said. “I don’t know whether I will ever practice law again!”

And as far as I know (we are still in contact on occasion) she has not. I can’t blame her. She seems happier now.

32.) What are some common misconceptions about people on death row that you think are unfair or untrue?

One thing I hear across the board on death penalty cases is “these people are the worst of the worst… we have to sentence them to die.” And that is just not true.

As I said in at least one previous post, I believe in the death penalty. But for the most part, a lot of these people could go to a regular prison unit and die of old age without ever having caused any trouble. (There are people here who have never broken a prison rule in over 20 years!)

And it would be a lot cheaper for you taxpayers if that were the case. Death penalty cases cost millions and millions and millions of dollars to see through to the end. On mine alone you could house probably twenty people in prison with natural life sentences, and have money left over!

The idea that we are all uncontrollable animals and are a danger to the public is also a lie. You have read my posts. I had a life, a home, child, did the same things pretty much everyone else does. Took joy in the same things everyone else does. Sure, there are junkies here and street-gang members with no regard for others… but that is not everyone, not by a long shot. Many of us are just people that the system ground out and spit into a cage for any number of reasons. (There are lots of reasons.) People don’t realize how corrupt the system is until either they or someone close to them gets caught up in it… and then… well, it’s too late at that point. I like a definition that Ambrose Bierce put into his Devil’s Dictionary. It reads “litigation: something one goes into as a pig and comes out of as a sausage.” I think people have an obligation to know and understand what is done in their name– learn the truth of the judicial system.

Well, that is all of the questions that I have in this time around. I really enjoy answering them for you. Looking forward to more in the future.

Take care and please remember that Anna is the keystone in this bridge between you and me. Without her, you wouldn’t even know I existed. So thank her, please.

Ask Tod Anything: Part V

Hello again from the Roost. This will be the second installment for answering this batch of questions. So I suppose I will jump right in:

12.) When the judge read your sentence in court, were you expecting it or were you surprised? How did you feel?

To be honest I knew I was going to get the death penalty. My lawyer (who in some ways “sold me down the river”– he is part of the system after all) kept requesting a change of judge until I was in the court of the only judge in the county who gave out death sentences (unofficially known as the “hanging judge” of Maricopa County) who would be up for re-election the year following my trial– and a good, well-publicized case in which he handed down the death penalty would go a long way toward getting him re-elected.

(Most people do not understand how political the death penalty really is– and the ways, which are myriad, in which is it used for a political vehicle.)

So, yeah, it was pretty much in the bag that I was getting the death sentence.

Here is a good indicator for you: After– that is after all the trial stuff, mitigation/aggravation stuff, everything to do with the trial– is over, the judge is supposed to sit down and write out his feelings in a “sentencing report” during which he considers all the aspects of the trial, especially the mitigation hearing (which is the very last part of whole process) and and explains for the court record why he/she is handing down the sentence that they are. Well, my mitigation hearing ended at about 11:00 AM and the judge said, “We will break for lunch. Then I will read the sentence to the defendant.” (In one of the most complicated trials in that county in a long time, mind you. Break for an hour and a half and come back and sentence me!)

I leaned over, knowing that as soon as I was sentenced I would be stuffed in a van and sent to prison, and asked my lawyer to tell the judge that I had been in county jail for over a year and needed at least one day to get my affairs in order and write a couple of letters telling people I would be moved to prison shortly. The judge (with a rather sour look on his face) agreed to this, and the sentence would be read the following morning.

The next morning the judge read out a 32-page sentencing document… 32 pages!!! Which means he had it pre-written the day previous and prior to the end of my official trial!

Oh, yeah, I knew I was getting the death penalty. Everybody did! (two female guards, which I had known since I got locked up, came the lat night I spent in the county jail to my cell and gave me a tearful goodbye– separately, not at the same time– one had to rush off as it was a bit more than just tearful… she started to break down.) Everybody knew.

As to how I felt…a death penalty trial is pretty stressful…I had literally been prodded and poked for almost a year, my family harassed by prosecution and defense investigators and, well… I guess i was just kind of relieved it was over for everyone’s sake. My family had been put through more their share of “enough”.

13.) Is there anything Anna has to do (or avoid doing) in order to make sure her letters get through to you? How strict are the mailroom rules? Does someone read her letters all the way or just skim them? Are your letters to her read too? What is considered grounds for confiscating a letter? Are there rules against swearing?

All good questions if you are considering writing to someone.

First part, make sure that whole address is on the envelope. (Especially name, inmate number, and the correct name of the facility.) Outside that, they just have general rules for “contraband” that vary from state to state and facility to facility. (Like I can’t have hardcover books but down the road at another facility they can.)

Reading letters… it would not really be possible to “read” everyone’s mail. (Although there are times when specific people’s mail is “red flagged” and it does get read in its entirety. There are several reasons this can happen but they are supposed to revolve around “threats to security”. Whatever that means.) So as a general rule, mail is skimmed.

As far as my letters to Anna being read… it is possible, but you would have to ask her. (The letters would be cut open and taped back shut, Anna.)

Letter confiscation? It can happen if there is some sort of “active criminal investigation” going on…but if someone does not like something, a letter can “get lost” at any point between the mailroom and my cage. It happens that way more than anything else official happening.

And no, there is no rule about swearing– which Anna, who uses a surprising amount of of four-letter words, is happy about. Isn’t swearing protected to some degree by the freedom of speech? I seem to remember that being litigated to some degree.

14.) Are you from Arizona? If so, whereabouts in Arizona? If not, where are you from?

When I was out in the world, I lived the lion’s share of my life in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. (Mostly in the woods.) But I spent part of my life as a “saddle tramp” as well, moving from place to place on the back of a Harley. I have been to about (or passed through at 70 miles per hour) about every state in the contiguous US and up into Canada and Alaska. So I like to think I am from everywhere.

15.) Have you The Green Mile, and if so, how accurate would you say the portrayal is of life on death row is?

My television broke some time ago and they are expensive and I just cannot replace it. So, no, I have not seen The Green Mile. But I have read the book by Steven King. I cannot speak to how accurate it might have been in the 30’s, which is when it was set I think… but now? Not at all. For one thing, it had, what? Five, six people on death row? (Which, by the way, is how it should be: the death penalty not being handed out like a carnival prize.) Here there are over 120, I believe. Constant noise, no peace… I can’t really describe it. It is no way for a human to exist. (It is not “living” so I do not call it that.)

16.) How old were your kids when you went to prison? What’s it like being a parent while on death row? Are you still in contact with any of your kids and/or their mom(s)? You also mentioned grandkids– have you met them?

I had to take a break before I could even write this one down. I know I have told you all a little bit about my child and that I have grandkids, but I have not actually gotten anyone’s approval for including them in this blog post. For that reason I am going to be pretty general in answering this and any future questions like it in such a public forum. I am actually pretty protective of the people I care about.

My son, who is the same age as Anna, was four when I came to prison. Because of a strained relationship with his mother (which existed prior to my ending up here) I did not get much of a chance to “parent” when he was young.

But multiply that by at least the power of ten and that is how frustrating, scary, and overall difficult it is to parent or be a parent from a cage. This environment is not one I would want my grandkids exposed to, so no, I have not met them in person– and you cannot imagine how much that hurts me. But this unit dictates that I would only see them through glass and not  be able to hold or even touch them anyway. Maintaining any sort of semblance of a family life/contact is very difficult in my situation.

17.) Who are some of your heroes and why? Fictional characters, historical figures, famous people, people you know/knew, etc. or any combination of the above are all fair game.

Hmm, interesting question, have not really thought about it before. I suppose first and foremost would be my father: an outstanding and heroic man indeed. He served this country in World War II with bravery and valor, and was recognized for it. He started and raised a family, doing the very best he could by us, and sacrificing himself on a daily basis and never seeking recognition for it. He was a good, loyal, and honorable man. I think he is about the only person I would call a “hero” to me. There are historical figures that I admire some of the things that they did or were involved in, but I have only known the picture history paints of them. A man that may have done something noteworthy to history could have in reality neglected his family to do so, or done dishonorable things that no one knows about, so I don’t feel comfortable putting someone I only know by a “snapshot” of their life on a pedestal.

18.) When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I recall most of the “normal” things a child wants to be: a fireman, a pirate ship captain, an astronaut (back to the “Captain Kirk saving whole planets” thing.) Pretty much whatever I was fixated on at any given time. I don’t recall any “serious” aspirations.

I always enjoyed creating things out of wood, metal, paint, pencil/pen, and paper…I just mostly wanted to be free to do that.

19.) What were some of the hardest things to get used to about being in prison?

Where do I begin? Everything. I still do not “do as I am told” so perhaps that would be one. The noise, the smell(s), all the people packed in around me, bad food (and I use the term “food” loosely here)… I eat, sleep, everything, less than six feet away from an open toilet. The whole situation is an exercise in “getting used to things” humans are not equipped to ever get used to. This place breaks people’s minds, steals their sanity… I really cannot recommend it at all. I can’t even say it “builds character”… since I have been around so many who have none at all (or honor or integrity for that matter). In short, I suppose, I am still getting used to things.

20.) Are you actually considering something like “slap this horse in the ass; I’ve got things to do” as your last words? Or were you kidding about that?

Not in the least was I kidding! What do you say when you are strapped down to a gurney for a nice little murder by proxy show for a room full of people devoid of any ethical compass to watch?? I would like to say something profound and deep to be remembered by, but that would detract from the barbaric theater of the absurd at hand, now wouldn’t it? Perhaps I should start a lottery: what might you all suggest, given the total ridiculousness of the situation? All suggestions will be considered.

21.) Are there rules about what you can say as your last words? Time limits, restrictions on profanity, does it have to be in English, things like that?

(This should help those of you who wish to participate in the “last words lottery”.)

What you say is into a microphone, and the warden has his finger on a button, ready to cut you off if he so wishes. So, better off with no name callin’ or deeply political statements. Profanity is likely out as well. But as far as I know any language is okay. (Surely they wouldn’t deny someone who speaks no English the right to a last statement? I would hope not.)

Time limits? If you attempt a “filibuster” of your impending fate, then at some point they will push the cut-off button and just go ahead with the murder, so brevity would be advised. So… short, sweet, and to the point.

22.) What is your favorite meal? What foods do you miss most?

Here? I don’t have a favorite meal. It is all crap– crap I would feel bad if forced to feed to a dog. I miss fresh food, uncanned vegetables that still have some nutrition in them… fruit! Oh, how I miss fruit! (I don’t know how these asswipes got away with never, ever giving us fruit! An apple or pear or an orange… I have to stop, I am starting to salivate…and I am certain that will turn to weeping soon.

Okay, I think I am down to where  I can finish off three questions with one more installment, so I will give Anna’s fingers a rest once more. Thank you for the input. I really enjoy interacting.

Expect another Q&A posting soon. And please don’t forget to show appreciation for Anna’s dedication to this project, without which you would not be reading any of this.

Ask Tod Anything: Part IV

Welcome to the Roost once again, where my rantings find a place to rest. I am very pleased to say that I just last night received several pages of questions from you all, sent to me by Anna, that you– the readers of my humble blog– have done me the honor of asking. So that is what this post (and perhaps the next post or two, depending on how much I go on with my answers… don’t want to send Anna a novelette to type out) will be about.

And in the interest of keeping this as short as I can, I will jump right in. I have no name or any idea who these questions came from, just the questions in numerical order.

1.) What is the significance of the name of your blog? Who came up with it, you or Anna?

The name was solely my idea and only I can be blamed for it. I have an interest in mythology. I like mythology of all kinds, but am probably best versed in Scandinavian/Germanic mythology and folklore. And that is where Muninn comes from. (It can be spelled Munin as well.)

In Scandinavian teachings, there is a god named Odinn (otherwise known as Woden, Wodan, Wotan, or Woten) and this god, who is the primary godhead, is the original god of consciousness from whom all other gods (and all other conscious beings) is derived, directly or indirectly. In short, he is the god who rules over all others. In folklore, Odinn has two ravens on whom he relies to fly over this world and report back to him to keep him informed of what is going on here. These ravens are Huginn and Muninn. (They are really metaphorical aspects of Odinn’s consciousness.) Scandinavian and Germanic words have more than one meaning depending on how, where, and when they are used, and these two words are no different. In this context, Huginn means thought or he who thinks, and Muninn means memory or he who remembers.

There is a book in Scandinavian folklore called the Elder Edda, or Poetic Edda. (Some consider this to be a holy book.) In this book there is a story: Grimnismál (the lay of Grimnir) in which Odinn is captured by an evil and greedy king. (Germanic gods are often portrayed with human aspects and vulnerabilities… they can age, they can be captured, sometimes on purpose as with this story, and they can even die). Odinn is shown a kindness by the king’s ten-year-old son, whom he rewards (in part) with knowledge, some of which is knowledge of the gods. (Neither the king nor the boy know it is Odinn whom they have captured.) And during that exchange, Odinn tells the boy the following:

Huginn and Muninn fly every day
over the expansive earth;
I am anxious about Huginn, that he will not come back,
Though I fear even more for Muninn.

In this strophe, I believe the importance of memory to the Germanic peoples is being exemplified.

Now, all that said, Muninn’s Roost is where I can put my memories– and yes, thoughts too, but I think memory to be very important, as that is really all I have left in this cage. And although (or, perhaps, because) my consciousness is stifled by the horrific environment that surrounds me, I cling desperately to these thoughts from my past.

I actually put a lot of thought into the name for the blog– and– I was hopeful that someone might ask after the name’s origin so I could show off my Germanic folklore chops…just kidding… maybe…

2.) Beer or wine? Coke or Pepsi? McDonald’s or Burger King?

In my youth I put away my fair share of beer (Budweiser for the most part) but as I got into my mid-twenties I developed a fondness for a Guinness Stout (not technically a beer) but I also kept a couple of bottles of decent wine around as well.

It has been some amount of time (a very long time) but I liked Pepsi as a kid.

I lived in a pretty rural area of Colorado (drove over fifty miles to buy groceries) and in that town there was no Burger King or McDonald’s that I recall…but there was a place called Don’s Drive-In that had a teriyaki mushroom burger on a homemade bun that was like six inches across, and that was unbelievably good! So I guess my answer to that last part is, Don’s Drive-In!

3.) How would you describe your political leanings?

Wow! I could write a novelette on what I think about what is going on in the U.S. government. But in the interest of keeping this as simple and short as I can… both of the parties have some, and I emphasize some good ideas. (I am all for freedom… of all types. I don’t much care for repression of any kind.) However, both parties also have some of what I see as horrifically bad ideas. I was not there of course, but from what I can gather about what is going on in Washington D.C. right now, I don’t think (in my opinion of course) that it is what the founders of this democratic experiment called the United States of America really had in mind. So I guess I could say my “political leanings” are at best disappointment, at worst, disgust. (And these feelings are Pre-Trump if you are interested… but now? I just sit here open-mouthed in total bewilderment.)

4.) Which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars?

I grew up on Star Trek (the original series– yes, I am old) and the swashbuckling Captain Kirk. Cavorting with green slave girls and saving whole planets was every kid’s dream! (I was too young to pick up on the political messages being sneaked in by the studio heads and censors at the time; that came later.) But Star Wars is a much more involved story full of deeply fleshed-out characters people can invest in… so both are good in their own ways. However, that silly Star Trek always had a place in me as part of my childhood– a simple and safe place I can always visit in my mind.

5.) Are you a cat person or a dog person? Do you have a favorite breed?

Do I have to choose? I am a great lover of animals of all sorts. I’ve had both– at the same time, even– and loved them equally. As far as breeds go… I don’t even know what breed she was, but I had a huge white cat I was very fond of. Anna has three cats, and she often sends me pictures and updates, which I enjoy.

Dogs? I had a boxer that was my very best friend as a child. As an adult, I had a black lab/Malamute mix (she looked like a large Labrador) that was one of the smartest dogs I have ever seen, and was a good friend.

I have also had snakes as pets, and a grey tree/house squirrel that seemed to think he was a dog (an exercise in patience I do not recommend… squirrels make horrible pets!) and… are you ready for this? A raven! Who was… truly beyond friendship… more like a sibling, really. And, yes, the other reason for the name of the blog… his name was Muninn. A relationship (he was not a “pet”– when he was grown, he could come and go as he pleased but almost always slept in my room, often standing on the part of my pillow I wasn’t using) that I would also not recommend for most. It’s like having a very precocious two-year-old child that never grows up! A really good alarm clock, though…when Muninn got up, I got up.

6.) If you’ve ever read Harry Potter, what house do you think you’d be in?

If memory serves (and sometimes it doesn’t) the Sorting Hat chooses, does it not? But rather like Harry, I would be hopeful for Gryffindor. They seemed to have the most fun. (Granted, the books mostly centered around characters that belonged to that house.)

7.) How often do you see a doctor, a dentist, a psychiatrist/psychologist, etc.? How does that work? Do you have to be handcuffed while being examined? Do you leave the prison grounds to get medical checkups or do they come to you? What about if there is an emergency? Would you be chained up in the ambulance?

Good questions! You see someone at medical (rarely if ever “a doctor”– usually someone claiming to be a nurse) after you put in a special form to do so (it’s called a Health Needs Request or H.N.R.) after you submit such a form– it has in the past taken months to see someone, and there have been numerous lawsuits– you now go to medical within a couple of weeks to see someone who asks you what is wrong, takes notes, then puts you on a list to see someone, who puts you on a list to see someone… you get the picture… and this can take months. (But, hey, they can claim they saw you within a certain number of weeks, which satisfies the court ruling.)

Yes, we are always handcuffed, chained, something. The medical unit is on prison grounds so unless it is something really major we do not leave the prison. In case of emergency they can (IE, they deem it needful… I have been sewn up and given an antibiotic course right here.) They will take you to an actual hospital (about an hour away) during which you are chained up in the ambulance and chained up in in the ambulance and chained to a hospital in the ambulance and chained to a hospital gurney when you get there. (Or so I understand anyway– I have never left the prison grounds.)

In short, medical issues often go untreated here. If they do receive some sort of treatment, it is usually inadequate. Mental issues are even worse. They just throw pills at someone who has often been misdiagnosed so usually poorly medicated (thorazine used to be big here… I don’t know if that has changed or not.)

The “medical staff” we get here usually are at the “end of the line” for a medical career and are considered unemployable anywhere else, so we get what the state pays for.

8.) To what extent are issues such as vegetarianism and veganism, gluten sensitivity, kosher/halal religious diets, and allergies accommodated on death row?

I do not know anyone on it because it is…well… I hear it’s just about inedible. But the prison has one diet that covers pretty much all of what you mentioned. It has beans, a lot of rice, and some carrot sticks and celery that cannot be sold in a store so the prison gets it for next to nothing. “Special” diets are discouraged here.

9.) What commissary items are most highly sought after, besides stamps and envelopes?

I don’t really know. It has been a long time (five months? maybe six?) since I have personally purchased anything other than stamps, envelopes, paper, soap, or shampoo. (And I am likely going to shave my head so I can eliminate shampoo.) I suppose it’s an individual thing– a matter of personal likes and dislikes. There are a great deal of unhealthy people that gravitate toward the candy bars and potato chips. If I were able I suppose I would likely supplement the poor nutrition of the high carbohydrate and fat diet they give us with things like the fish and other protein items that are available on the commissary list. I would also suppose coffee would be high on the popular lost. But like I said it is pretty individual for likes and dislikes, I suppose.

10. I saw in a documentary once that, when an inmate is taken away to be executed in Oklahoma, all the other inmates on death row refuse their meal on the night of his death as a show of respect and solidarity for their friend. Do the men in Arizona have any rituals or traditions on the day of an execution, or afterwards, to honor someone who has passed or is about to?

This s a question that will take some “creative” answering. On some death rows in the country, a mindset of “all for one and one for all” is prevalent.

This is so because the death row population is separate from the “normal” (a term I use loosely here!) prison population– which is where things like rapists and child molesters and child killers are not tolerated. Out “on a yard” (another term for a prison unit) these individuals would end up in “ad-seg” (administrative segregation– otherwise known as protective custody.)

In Arizona, our death row functions more like a regular prison unit, in which you have a GP (general population) section and a PC (protective custody) section. As GP, we do not associate with protective custody in any way. This of course results in a schism in the Arizona death row population.

(My mindset is simple: I have children, grandchildren, and female friends on the outside and it would be dishonorable– and, to my mind, insulting to them– if I were to associate with the type of low-life that obviously has no respect for them, or even a semblance of an ethical compass of any kind.) So I personally have issues with rapists and people who commit crimes against children, sexual or otherwise.

But to get back to the question: this separation means that there are no organized tributes of any sort. If we know the person we each observe our own way of showing respect for them, and we do so individually.

For me? I have one that I think of every year on his birthday. (I think of him often of course, but his birthday is spent with him in mind all day.) As long as his memory survives, he survives.

(It should be noted that the “close custody experiment” I mentioned in a previous blog post throws this whole separation thing to the wind. No matter how I mentally address it, I can only imagine bad results coming from it.)

11.) What are the guidelines for what you can theoretically order for your last meal? Is there anything specific you are not allowed to request? Would they give you a beer, a cigarette, or a doobie if you asked for it? And if you had, say, a life-threatening peanut allergy, would you be forbidden from ordering a PB&J? Along similar lines, do you know (or know of) anyone who has made a bizarre or interesting last meal request or plans to do so?

The rules have changed for last meals since I got here. It used to be you could request anything as long as it could be obtained locally and could be cooked at the prison. Then it was, you could request anything as long as it could be obtained locally but you had to pay for it yourself. Now my understanding is that it has to be something the prison already makes….but that could be wrong. (It may still be that you have to buy it if you don’t choose something the prison already makes.)

No, no beer, cigarettes, or doobies. (A joint and a glass of single malt scotch would be my request if either of those things were allowed.) And if the prison is aware of any allergies, then nope, they won’t let you have it.

As far as bizarre requests go… Anna has gone online and cannot seem to find a record of this… but there was a guy who told me he was going to ask for five pounds of fried okra, and a guard said that was what he got.

As I have 32 questions here, I will let Anna take a break and give her typing fingers a rest. If your question has not been answered, worry not; I will get to it. But for now I will stop. I will get to answering the rest of this batch of questions very soon, though, so stay tuned, and please don’t forget to thank Anna, without whom you would not be reading this.

Oderint dum Metuant

By all the graves of brethren dead
By the warrior’s deathless shield of red
I’ll make a solemn vow to you
I’ll keep the strength of my ancestors true

For northmen laugh at prison bars,
Our laughter reaches to the stars.
Proclaiming with a warrior’s breath
A power beyond the realm of death!

The Experiment

Greetings yet again and welcome to the Roost. I don’t have a lot to tell you about at this time (the amount of boredom can quite literally be mind-numbing when you live in a cage.) But I will try to do the best that I can.

The holidays, while not distant yet, are slowly receding. The holidays themselves mean very little in a place like this, but they can be mentally trying. I think (I hope) I am finally getting over them.

We have heard (one can never trust information in here– you have to adapt an attitude of “I’ll believe it when I see it”) that after the first of the year, a new “experiment” will be tried. I suppose I should give you a bit of background…

Over nineteen years ago, death row was moved (arbitrarily) to this “supermax” unit from a lower custody unit. It was known at the time that so-called “supermax” or “special management” lockdown prison units were detrimental to the mental health of human beings, so they were used for punitive purposes, for individuals who were deemed uncontrollable by any other means. (Basically, people who could not be stopped from assaulting other inmates, guards, etc.) To accomplish this behavior modification, the environment was designed to be as uncomfortable and stressful as possible. People in the mental field did studies and deemed that a person should not be exposed to such an environment for more than six months at a time. And that is what happened…to those people who were/are moved here for punitive reasons.

And that is what happened…to those people who were/are moved here for punitive reasons. They are subjected to an environment that is mentally unhealthy and physically uncomfortable for a period of six months to perhaps a year at most to induce a modification in unacceptable behavior.

Now that you have that information, I will skip ahead about seventeen years… through which every study and recommendation about punitive supermax units has been conveniently forgotten, and death row continues to be housed in an out-of-the-way, back section of a punitive supermax unit. Furthermore, said studies and recommendations deal only with a short-term transient punitive population, which is what it these units are intended for– not death row! (The deputy warden has actually been overheard telling groups of lawyers and prisoners’ rights activists that no one is housed here for more than a year.)

Well, a couple of years back, we finally found a group of lawyers that were willing to take our case to court. The Arizona Department of Correction is acutely aware that it has been doing something that can only be called inhumane– and they have been doing it for almost two decades. ADoC is also aware that it cannot withstand the light being shed upon this matter and will at some point be forced to modify its behavior and correct its wrongdoing.

The Arizona Department of Corrections knows that if this case is allowed to be adjudicated to its logical conclusion, they will be forced to either outright move the entire population of death row to a lower custody (and more humane) unit, or at least allow for some path by which people on death row can move to a lower custody unit. But they are aware that there are people who have been subjected to the mentally horrendous and stressful conditions of this unit for that entire nineteen years and may not be suitable for face-to-face contact with the prison guards that have been in some cases torturing them for almost two decades.

So the prison has an idea to thwart the court case…

This now brings me to the aforementioned “experiment”. After the first of the year, the prison will institute a “close custody” section of Special Management II (IE, the Browning Unit, where I am currently housed.) Close custody is the next-lowest level of custody after lockdown. But they are not doing it like it would be done if a court ordered it– they are doing it their own “special” way… as far as we can tell, anyway.

They appear to be marking people for this experiment whom they know, without a doubt, have isues with… shall we say… certain elements of the prison population which even we prisoners consider to be low-life pieces of human refuse. (That element would be child molesters, rapists, and “baby killers”… the people that the rest of us hate.) And they are (again, as far as we can tell) going to mix us in liberally with individuals (human refuse, that is) who, if a court ordered the prison had to allow death row off out of lockdown and into close custody, would have to be put into protective custody or special sex offender units for their own safety.

(Yes, I am one of the people that may be slated for inclusion in this experiment, whom the prison knows, without a doubt, will look upon the aforementioned pieces of human refuse with evil intent. There is nothing I hate more than a rapist or anyone who would hurt a child.)

This seems to be an effort to derail the whole court case (which has yet to be fully adjudicated) by creating a situation which may result in an extremely horrific outcome, after which the prison can say, “See! We can’t let these death row animals out of their cages! Imagine what they would do to the guards if we did!” Using the outcome of their very calculated “experiment” as an example. They even brought around a piece of paper for us to sign which stated we cannot contest our “housing assignment,” meaning they will mix in sex offenders, etc. whenever and wherever they please!

You may be of the mindset that would say “people did not have to sign this piece of paper if they didn’t wish to,” …which would be true, in your world. Prison is a society of sorts, a culture outside of yours, with its own ethics and rules. (A large book could be written on this subject alone, so I won’t go into it deeply). I will simply say that when the prison brings around a piece of paper like that, a person like me does not see choice. It is more of a matter of “sure, give me that thing; I’ll sign it!” and then afterwards what comes from it is dealt with, abiding by one’s personal sense of honor and the above-mentioned code of ethics and rules.

To go deeply into that would violate a code of conduct that is observed by the individuals in this environment which has been created for us to survive in by the society that you have created through your votes for elected officials, and your seemingly-nonchalant attitude concerning how your moral and ethical codes of conduct are visited upon your fellow citizens who have been caught up in this world, and ground into a base survival form of barbaric proto-human by an extremely corrupt judicial system…so it’s best for me to leave off there.

At this point in time, I do not know whether I will end up being moved or not, or even what sort of an environment I might end up in if and when I do, but I will try to keep you all updated on this “experiment” as I am able, and that will very likely provide some rather interesting blog entries as the future unfolds… or perhaps not, depending on what the prison officials in their seemingly infinite amount of unadulterated stupidity end up doing. (And one of the absolutes I have learned from living in a lockdown punitive unit for nineteen years is that the Arizona Department of Corrections has ane endless supply of stupidity, and the higher you go in the chain of command, the stupidity increases exponentially.) But in any event, the future here should be interesting.

Well, for not having much to tell you, I did go on a bit, didn’t I? But for now, I will give Anna’s much-appreciated typing skills a break. So, until next time, keep the shiny side up. And please remember to thank Anna for allowing you to keep track of my exploits here within this theatre of the absurd. I thank her, too, but not nearly enough.

Season’s Greetings from Death Row

Greetings again, and welcome back to the Roost. It is December 24th and I think I am about through the darker mindset this time of year can bring in here. Today is a day that we are supposed to get one of those twelve showers we get a month… however, it seems the staff would rather spend Christmas Eve with their families, so not enough of them came in to run the prison… so we are on “lockdown”, which means no showers or anything else.

So I turned on the radio (my only source of outside distraction) to find holiday music playing everywhere, even my usual weekly syndicated three hours of escape: The Acoustic Storm with Jeff Parrots.

And I couldn’t help but begin to laugh…and that is when the pall began to lift. (It has been a rough week. The shower, or lack thereof, was just the capper to a search on the 22nd, a legal visit on the same day during which I heard about how this blog is not approved of by my lawyer, as well as other contentious points. (Although she did say she may buy me a book that I have been wanting… I must say that is very nice of her, it being birthday/Christmastime and all.)

But the music made me see the incongruous nature of my mindset over something I should have learned to deal with much better by now… so I took down the pictures that I had taped to my wall of my deceased father and mother, my child is so busy he cannot write, and my grandchildren that I have never held… some of which are sitting on Santa’s lap. (I will put most of them back up in a week or two…not the Santa ones… but right now I need to stop wallowing, so not having them up will help, I think.)

And I sit here– yup, listening to holiday music on The Acoustic Storm (some of which is awful!) and writing a post and wondering if I will get a shower on Monday the 26th (my next scheduled one).

It has been some time since I was this “down” during the holidays. (The year my father died, I was much too worried to even consider the time of year, so it was before that, I think.) I don’t know; for some reason, it just kind of hit me like a truck this year.

I kind of see myself as an outcast from society, a wretch that is shunned. (Rightly so, I suppose, but right or not, it can be a difficult thing to live with.) That is why my friend Anna and the opportunity she has afforded me to reach out from my oubliette means so very much to me. Even without direct input from those of you who read this, I know on an intellectual level that you are out there, someplace, reading my thoughts, and that means we are all connected on some level.

(Yes, my dear Anna, this is the gift you have given me…made me at least a little bit less of an outcast. You have my deepest gratitude, my dear friend. You have given me much to be thankful for.)

The nurse just came by with the aspirin they give me for back pain. (Kind of like trying to chase off a bear with a fly swatter, but I’ll take it– it’s better than nothing.) and she said “Merry Christmas” to me. She means well, and I said it back to her. I don’t want to get going to far down this road on this post, but it makes me wonder if people really understand what it is like to be in a cage, under sentence of death, waiting for almost two decades… and it is a holiday where family means so very much… “Merry Christmas!” Not laughing, but at least I am smiling about it. My world is nothing if not absurd.

I think I will give Anna a break and make this a shorter-than-usual post. Perhaps I’ll open up my brown paper bag and eat my bologna sandwich early…or I suppose I could give my cage a good cleaning (it could use it; I have been slacking of late).

Peace be with you all, and I hope you have had a good holiday, however you may keep it. And please remember to thank Anna, without whom you would not be reading this.