Silent Laughter

Cotton candy, kittens, green grass, trees
to climb and balls to kick– a girl–
just your age moved in only two doors
down the street… such are a
child’s dreams, rhapsodic and
innocent…sunshine and laughter.

I dream, the dreams of the conditioned.
No kittens and candy– a girl? Yes,
but she wears a death mask. Or is it
her face? Drawn and gaunt, a
phantasm of my fevered imagination–
or could she be real? Just waiting,
needle in her hand– smiling…

She is beautiful in her macabre, for it is
she that will bring me my release–
release from the torture that is my world.
Beauty in the ugliness of death…sweet,
sweet death.

I cannot help but love her for it– long for
her– is she my savior? or my damnation?
Truly, whatever awaits can be no worse
than where I am. Despair and suffering
are my daily fare here.

But still I cling to this mortal coil,
almost content in my oubliette. It
might be better if I could forget what
it was to be human once– to have a
companion other than my spectre of
death… waiting– always there– is
she my lover? my friend? my
release?

Or is she my
nightmare? silently laughing in the
dark…

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